Idiot Guide to Job (any job)

1. Its helpful if you can use a phone and the normal standard equipment used in the course of your chosen business. If the idiot that hired you didn't ask if you were conversant with this technology and didn't promptly train you, and you are unable (unwilling?) to read the training manual I know you were given, you might as well go home now. You are NO HELP TO US. Moreover, there is probably no help for YOU. You, dear, have a terminal case of the stupids.

2. Working usually demands that you be able to deal with ALL TYPES of people. If you cannot adapt to vocabulary of the industry and the clients you serve, please quit now. People in the hood don't appreciate your softspoken kingergarden-teacher-voice and perfect grammar. They don't f&*(ing understand you.

3. Be professional if you want and expect others to "play nice". Example: don't tell your Muslim co-worker that because you're a devout Catholic you will not ever work on Sundays ever when they are coming to work and sitting next to you eating chipotle at your desk while they are fasting for Ramadan. Tacky.

4. Personality is an asset to you on this job, as well as a sense of humor. If you have neither of these, go be an accountant. This is not the place for you, honey. Oh also - memo - they told me to mention that nobody likes you?

5. Do the job you were brought on to do. Everyone has some unpleasant tasks assigned to them.  If you want to be valued by your employer and co-workers, do your share of them.  Don't say "no" to any/every thing/one! If you do, next time you ask for a day off...answer is NO.  Flexibility is key to problem solving. No one wants to hear about how you can ONLY sit in the corner office because the chair there is soft and you have a hernia and that no one told you you'd have to work nights, weekends, holidays or overtime. Bish, please!

...and THOU SHALT NOT *EVER*...
- Leave a call on hold, clock out and go home, like this heiffer who works here just did. (nope, I'm not joking!)
- Call folks out of their names. If you can't pronounce their hame, just call them sweetie or Mrs. or something nice (as opposed to, like, racist or derogatory).
- Drop the ball. If you say you will help, don't leave anyone hanging without a call back (even if the call back is to say you haven't accomplished a damn thing!)
- Tattle. Everybody has bad days. If you just witnessed someone else's, please keep your fat trap shut. (Unless you just witnessed something serious such as a n actual CRIME. In that case, call the proper authorities.)
- Have a foul attitude. God don't like ugly.
- Adhere to every last little rule (especially the ones you just made up)! No one is perfect...that includes you, Princess. We are all human and we all make mistakes.

Noncents!

My unemployed GFs and I talk frequently about starting a poverty blog but they are all too busy trying not to look homeless and hustling to interviews to actually write said blog............ If you have stories to share or want to guest-blog on this topic hit me up on twitter!  TY #CincyGlam