Posts
wth are you wearing? by CincyGlam
A recent addition to my household means that I no longer have 5 closets + an entire basement for my junk. After taking truckloads of vintage stuff to boutiques, my friend's ETSY.com shops and swaps, what to do with the 4 remaining closets-worth and the shoe room?
Things no woman should own:
white pants, colored/patterned bras, short cutoff denim shorts, polyester, calf-length dresses (ahem Laura Ashley), and bubble coats.
I have decided only to keep those items that will do double duty. If I can't wear it in multiple seasons or on multiple occasions, it has to go.
1. Flip flops - Shoes and clothing that make superflous/annoying sounds should be avoided at all costs. This also goes for she who wears an armful of bangle bracelets to work, which is the workplace equivalent of fingernails on a chalkboard.
2. Statement t-s - Anything with a logo on the chest/ass is for sure not work apropriate (unless your job title includes "corner", "evening", "trailer" or "go-go")so it breaks my cardinal rule of being able to be worn for more than one purpose.
The only purpose for these t-s is housecleaning (especially when used as cleaning rags!) and I wouldn't even wear them outside of the house for lawn chores - the neighbors might see. Since my neighborhood is quite urban, this could lead to honking and shouts of "hey girl" and so forth. Yes! Just what I wanted..... :/
3. Denim tops - I would like to argue here because its oh so redneck chic and because I do technically work as a farm laborer and I like to look cute while I toil, but its time for my favorite Diesel sleeveless western-style light denim snap-up top to go. Daisy Duke and I will miss you on the farm. sigh.
4. Minis/shorts/shorts - Been gone. I admit to my celulite. Moving on...
5. Shoddy foundations - A couple of years ago I needed a strapless bra for some dress I bought for some wedding. I was fitted at my fave local lingerie shop after discovering they didn't have what I wanted in what I thought was my size. No WONDER I couldn't fit my girls into that beloved size 0 White House Black Market strapless dress! Skinny bitch says whaa? Fortunately, my store does bra alternations for a reasonable price, so I could have all my 34's taken in to 30's for less than the price of new bras (because NO ONE around here carries my new sizes.) Luckily, I detest patterned and brightly colored bras (if you can't wear it under more than 1 top its a complete waste of money, no?)
6. Polyester skirts - Have you noticed that polyester and leggings are not friends? They do NOT get along. Someone's got to go. I will opt to keep you, leggings, because you hide my aforementioned booty cheese and winter white skin.
7. Club outfits - Since I am over 30, have a professional job and a man at home why would I be in the club? Clearly I wouldn't be, so why am I still holding onto vinyl outfits from the early 90s? Just because its dark in the club is no excuse for parts of you to be hanging out! The copper stretch 70s disco pants I am keeping, however. They totally come in handy for throwback night at the roller rink. (Don't know what a "club top" is? check this link: http://blog.dots.com/new-arrivals/new-this-week-club-tops/)
8. Cheap suits - Oh the dilema of "work clothes"! Thank God for business casual is all I can say. When pantyhose are written into your dresscode in stone, its either time to buy a lot of pants or change jobs. Suntan-colored Pantyhose = eew.
9: Any single-color camisole "Cami" should not be worn outside the home singly as a top.
10. Elastic waistband Anything - Save it for whatever you work out in, and keep it to the gym/home.
11. Polo Shirts - When was this a good idea? With thousands of top choices who told you this was cute?
12. Anything Ill-fitting - There is NO EXCUSE for VPL (Visible Panty Lines)!! "Muffin top" is not a good look for anyone and yes, even skinny girls have this issue (hello, camel toe!). Buy a thong, go comando, do whatever you gotta do girl.
My inspiration...
Allie's closet cuts:
http://www.wardrobeoxygen.com/2008/07/closet-clean-out-woman-in-her-30s.html
